Writer's Block

Okay, so I don't really have writer's block, but I do have a bit of inner turmoil over what to do with this blog.  The original plan was to write about my life since the accident, starting with the day of the accident.  This means that I have tons of catching up to do in order to fill in the blanks from the last seventeen months.  However, I've also been wanting to write a book (doesn't that sound cliche!) about this whole ordeal for quite some time.  Because I was so unmotivated, not to mention scared @$#%-less, of taking on such a seemingly impossible endeavor, I decided to take baby steps by starting this blog instead. 

I had hoped that by writing a blog, I would finally have a less intimidating outlet for recording my little dramatic history, and that by the time I caught up on those seventeen months, then...Voila!  My book would be written! 

But now I'm feeling like that's a very backwards approach.  I mean, isn't a blog supposed to be written in the present tense, as one records his/her daily thoughts/activities/theories?  And isn't a book written in retrospect?  I feel like I'm a bit late in the game.

So now I'm trying to decide where to go with this.  Do I dive into this blog, slowly type out my history, and then finally print it out, pat myself on the back, and mail it off to various publishing houses?  Or do I suck it all up, tear myself away from my current paperback-reading, reality TV-watching lifestlye, leave you all hanging with "And...blackness.....," and finally sit down and write the damn book already?  And am I wrongly feeling a sense of self-entitlement, as if anyone even flippin' cares what I do or whether I write a book or not or even if anyone gives a crap about my story in the first place?

These are some things I need to work through, and until I make a decision, I am leaving the December 2008 blog section as-is.  Whatever decision I make, I will still continue with this blog, even if it is just May 2010 onwards. 

What to do???

Operation Feet

I've tried writing this particular post several times over the last two days, but considering the high levels of Vicodin in my system, the task has proven to be a bit of a challenge!

So, Wednesday was the big surgery day (well, not exactly the surgery day, considering this is the fifth surgery in my 30-year lifespan, but hopefully the only surgery day for 2010).  My sister, Tarah, took me to the hospital at 6:30 am (I was up at 5 am to make sure my feet were well-scrubbed and my legs smoothly shaven).  After about an hour in the waiting room, I was called into an office to complete paperwork before being sent off to change into a gown and booties and climb aboard a bed, making sure to discreetly stuff the third piece of my uniform, a blue mesh shower cap, under my pillow.  I was rolled into the pre-op room around 8:30 am, where I was immediately hooked up to a blood pressure machine, heart rate monitor, oxygen, and, after a difficult search for a usable vein, an IV in my hand. 

Not surprisingly, as soon as I was all hooked up I had to go to the bathroom, and much to the nurse's annoyance, I was firm in my refusal to use a bedpan.  Once I was reattached to all the machines, I waited.  And waited.  And waited some more.  Finally the nurse started pumping a soothing and relaxing IV fluid into my system, and soon thereafter an anesthesiologist ordered me to flip over into prone position so he could place a "block" behind my knee in order to completely deaden my right foot. Because of my nerve damage, I don't feel sensations of pain below my knees, but I certainly didn't tell him that...just in case!

Finally, I was rolled into the operating room, shower cap on my head, and transferred to a hard table, where my arms were spread out and strapped down crucifix-style.  An oxygen mask, entirely too large for my face, was crammed over my mouth and poked into my eyes, but I couldn't fight it with my arms pinned down.  My eyeballs started to burn and my throat closed up, but just as soon as I was about to have a meltdown, I was off in la-la land.

In a nutshell, the surgeries consisted of the following:

• Both Feet:  Achilles tendon lengthening--Routine 10-minute surgery to release the foot-drop-causing contractures in my feet by cutting "Z" shapes into my Achilles tendons.
• Right Foot only:  Tendon Transfer--Reconstruction of the tendons and muscles in the ankle, to further prevent drop foot and keep the foot from becoming deformed.
• Right Foot Toes:  Metal pins in each toe to straighten them out.

All of these issues were a result of my injury and had been consistently getting worse in the last few months, to the point that I could no longer walk, even with the aid of crutches.

The next thing I knew, I was shaking uncontrollably in a bed in the recovery room.  I was freezing cold, but I threw the blanket off my legs to check out my new bionic feet.  All in all, my surgeries went well.  My left foot was in a black walking boot and my right foot was wrapped in an ACE bandage.  Sticking out of the tops of my toes were claw-shaped metal rods tipped with rubber (see photos to get the full effect).  After an hour in the recovery room, I was moved to a post-recovery room, where I changed out of my gown and into my clothes and was met by my sister.  Upon receiving my discharge instructions from a bored nurse, we left the hospital around 5 pm, ten and a half hours after arriving.

Now I am recovering at my sister's house.  Keeping the feet elevated.  Popping a pill every few hours.  Sleeping.  Having crazy dreams.  Eating.  I cannot put any weight on either foot, so I am rolling around in the old wheelchair to get around.  To get up and down the stairs, to and from my bedroom, I slide around on my bum.  I'm scheduled for my first follow-up appointment in two weeks, so I suppose in the meantime I will stick to my little routine and continue enjoying the Vicodin while I can!

Seven Days of Change

The last seven days have been something of a week of change for me. 

For example, one week ago today I shut down my Facebook account.  I had been using Facebook since 2006, and at first I loved what the social networking platform had to offer, finding it fun to reconnect with old friends.  However, after a while I found my "Friends" list inundated with people who weren't really my friends, and as I am not a big fan of clutter, I began to feel suffocated.  Additionally, since I stopped working, I have found myself becoming extremely lazy, where it was easier and required little brainpower to blow a few hours on Facebook instead of doing something productive with my time.  I also could not handle reading the news on CNN.com without being lambasted with what my Facebook friends were reading or sharing.  I finally bit the bullet and shut that bad boy down without one iota of regret.  The way I see it, if people want to keep in touch with me, they will.  And they have. 

I also chose this week to finally begin writing this blog.  It's about seventeen months late, but better late than never.  I have tons of catching up to do, but I am excited about seeing the final result.  I also feel much happier now that my brain is working and I am writing again.

Adding to my week of changes, I dyed my hair red and got it chopped off into a pixie cut.  I have always been a fan of constantly changing my looks and have had every color of the rainbow on my head; however, my hair, no matter the length or color, has been in a constant ponytail since about 1999.  Whenever I watch makeover shows on television, women who embrace ponytails 24/7 tend to have little kids and the excuse that they don't have time to spend on their hair. Well, I have all the time in the world, but I just cannot be bothered to spend it on my hair.  Therefore, I decided to chop it all off!

What else is different...hmmm....oh yes, I removed my belly button ring yesterday.  This tiny silver bar has adorned my mid-section for the last eight years, but I finally realized that I am now thirty years old and the belly ring is so late-90s.  Not to mention it tackily contrasted with my new black and gold bikini...Bye-bye belly ring, hello belly hole.  

Tomorrow I am finally getting my much-anticipated surgery!  Achilles tendon lengthening, a routine, minimally-invasive procedure, will be done on both my feet.  My right foot will also be receiving a Tendon Transfer, which is a complex reconstruction of the tendons in my ankle.  These surgeries should correct what I've coined my "Barbie Feet," also known as contracted Achilles tendons or "toe walking".  I'm not sure what time I go in for surgery, as I have to wait until this afternoon to call. 

I am very excited about getting the surgery, and it will just be another item to add to my list of changes!